In the past few days I've had a lot of time to look and and hold my dad's hands...especially in the early morning hours when I can't sleep and just feel better being in his room. My dad has big, strong hands. His hands are busy hands, he is always fixing something, helping someone or working on something. They've spent countless hours fixing bikes (and not just his own), many hours writing in his small, neat, all-caps print, including airplane itineraries written on the kitchen counter, GPS coordinates to his next adventure or loving post-it notes left around the house for my mom to find.
One of his hands can swallow mine right up. For as long as I can remember when I've held or touched dad's hands, I curl my fingers around his (like my right hand in the picture). He holds my hand for a few minutes but then likes to tease me by digging his fingernails in..and my dad is tough, right down to his fingernails. I think they could probably cut glass... As I've held his hand this week and thought about the thousands of memories I have with him, I looked down at my hand in his and realized that now more than ever, I'm so ready for him to squeeze my hand back and dig right in.
We have all been doing our best "digging in," and I know he currently is too. I have always loved my dad but this week I have realized now more than ever how truly grateful I am for him. I think in some ways, we've all been able to take him for granted because dad has just always been there. He shows up. He doesn't want or need praise. He does the right thing because that's just how he is. I am so proud of him. I am so grateful for him. My hands will never be as big or strong or good as his...but I will always be trying to have hands that love and serve as his do.
You have no idea how blessed you truly are. Cherish every moment! I'm so sorry. It must be so hard. Love to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteJulie, I love this post, so very touching and describes your dad so well. All things happen for a reason and sometimes make no sense in the beginning, but in the end it becomes clear.
ReplyDeletePrayers for Carl and all of you. Julie your post is very touching and the notes from the grandchildren are priceless. Know that there are prayers coming from across the Kroger enterprise for a very gifted man. Di
ReplyDeleteLove you all so much, thanks for sharing your thoughts
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about Carl's accident, I worked with your Dad for in both Layton and Salt Lake warehouses our offices were across from each other some time, he was a great Boss and friend, and we had some competetive fun bets with each other throught the years, when my Mother passed back in 2000 I really struggled, He pulled me aside on several occasasions and shared with me some of his struggles when his Father passed and what helped him get through those tough times, I have never forget those words of Wisdom, Your Family and Carl will be in our Prayers, Rob Johnson from Layton but Lives in Fruita,Colorado. Zach is married to my Neice Jill.
ReplyDeleteOh Jules. You know in his heart he is wanting just as much to squeeze your hand in his. He loves you so much. I know it's hard but Hang on, hold tight and soon you will have that squeeze that you are longing for. In my heart and mind when we end up in these kind of situations I feel that Heavenly Father has a need for that person for some counsel or another reason but only for a small time and not permanently. Since your father was so healthy, strong and always riding tripping him up on his bike was most convenient. A heart attack just wouldn't make sense. He will be returned to you shortly. Love you, hugs and stay strong!
ReplyDeleteIt's only when you grow up, and step back from him or leave him for your own career and your own home-it's only then that you measure his greatness and fully appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteI work with Carl at the Logistics Cultural Council and at the Portland TN regional DC with training and development. He is a great mentor and example of strength (Stubbornness) in the face of adversity. We can see his greatness, appreciate it, and know that he will use all that strength and stubbornness to work his way through this adversity.
My prayers are with you, along with those of everyone at our DC.